I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
