Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
