nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
