Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
