i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
