I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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