Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
