I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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