Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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