We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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