just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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