New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
