the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
