She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
