An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
