I must be too annoying 4 u.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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