I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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