it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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