Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
