Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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