in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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