Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
