I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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