i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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