2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
