i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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