Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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