I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The power of my boobs compel you
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
