I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
