I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
