If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
