OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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