she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
