I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
