why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
