I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
