We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
