Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
