you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
