I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
