Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
