My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
