Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
