I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
