they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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