he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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