doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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