lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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