Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...

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(708): View more from Illinois

The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking

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(818): View more from California

it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.

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(406): View more from Montana

What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?

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(705): View more from Ontario

And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".

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(360): View more from Washington

I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

The sex was so good we high-fived after.

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