cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Bring me that man meat
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
