he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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