His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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